Area Wargamer Announces New Army Will Be “Low Model Count,” Immediately Purchases 94 Miniatures
Local tabletop enthusiast Brent Caldwell confirmed Saturday that his newest wargaming army will be “super elite” and “very low model count,” moments before exiting the store with three starter boxes, two character kits, and something he described as “just a couple support options.”
“I’m keeping this one tight,” Caldwell told reporters while rearranging sprues in the trunk of his sedan. “Like, maybe 20 models total. Very focused. Surgical.”
Store receipts reviewed by investigators suggest the total currently sits at 94.
Friends say this is a familiar pattern.
In 2020, Caldwell began a horde army because he “wanted something cinematic.” In 2022, he started a mechanized force because he “didn’t want to paint infantry anymore.” In 2024, he pledged to finally finish a single faction before branching out.
“This time is different,” Caldwell insisted while comparing alternate head options on his phone. “The meta really supports elite builds right now.”
Witnesses confirm Caldwell used the word “meta” at least six times despite describing himself as “purely casual.”
When asked how the new army fits into his current collection, which occupies three shelving units and a climate-controlled closet, Caldwell clarified that this force fills “a totally different tactical niche.”
That niche appears to be “red.”
Sources close to Caldwell report the decision process began Thursday night after watching a battle report online.
“I wasn’t even going to start them,” he explained. “But then I saw that one combo. You know the one.”
He did not specify which combo.
The previous project consists of twelve primed models and a tank missing its turret.
Local hobby store owner Maria Singh says she sees this cycle weekly.
“They come in saying they just need one character,” Singh said. “They leave talking about synergy.”
Caldwell maintains that the army’s low model count will allow him to finish it quickly.
“This is my palette cleanser,” he explained. “Something I can knock out in a month.”
Paint experts consulted on the matter estimate the assembly phase alone will take six weeks, provided Caldwell does not discover an alternate color scheme halfway through.
When asked whether he plans to sell any of his older armies to make room, Caldwell stared into the middle distance.
“I might,” he whispered. “But what if the rules change?”
At press time, Caldwell was reportedly researching a secondary detachment option “just in case,” while assuring friends he is “absolutely not starting another faction.”
Industry analysts predict he will be fielding a completely different army by autumn.
